I threw a rock at God
I was feeling particularly pissed off at God/Spirit/the Universe one day. Yes, I said it. The stripped-back truth of the matter. Spirit knows (usually more than we do) what our true, deep-down feelings are. And our honesty about being angry doesn’t phase God one bit - in fact, I think our authenticity is one of the ways we can connect to the Universe even more. And I know God can take our anger and do wonderful things with it. We are always loved, exactly as we are - even in our less than stellar, painful human moments.
I had been longing to move back to my hometown area near the ocean on the north shore of Massachusetts. There’s something quite therapeutic about the ocean - the smell, the sound, the dynamic movement of the water rushing in and drawing back. And there’s something very special about the beauty of the land in my hometown. Plus, I was feeling lonely, and homesick, and that pull to return to where I came from and who I am.
I’d been actively looking to buy a home for over a year now - doing the research, driving back and forth, saving my money, praying, meditating, manifesting, surrendering…you name it, I did it! And…nothing. Why wasn’t God/Spirit/the Universe cooperating?! I was doing everything I should do! (Side note: “should” language is often a tip-off we may not be coming at the situation from a place of freedom, surrender to the highest good, or self-love 💛.)
Other life stressors were piling on at the same time, and the disappointed feelings began to rise up in me until it was full-blown anger. All this bottled up restlessness and frustration - I needed to get it out, to put it somewhere. So I asked my friend Maryellen to go for a walk in the woods that wind along the river, thinking that would help. Being out in nature always sets me straight. “But,” I warned her, “I might end up verbally vomiting all over you.”
We walked along the river and Maryellen listened, my dog Reyni joyfully running around, smelling interesting scents, playing ‘who’s the Alpha?’ with other dogs he encountered along the trail. And I talked and I ranted and I raved. We walked for a good 45 minutes, and as we returned to where we had parked our cars, I knew I was still pissed off, and Maryellen knew it too. I admitted, “I know all this is for my highest good and things happen in divine timing and all that, but I’m still feeling mad at God!”
And in that moment, Maryellen grabbed a chunky rock from the ground, and hurled it at the sky. For an instant, I was like, whaaat did she just do? And then I grabbed a rock and hurled it too! And I let out a kind of roar as I hurled it. (I also may have muttered a curse word.) Onlookers likely thought we were weird. But it felt good. We looked at each other - two grown-ass women, acting up - and burst out in that uncontrollable, snorting laugh thing until we couldn’t breathe and my gut hurt.
Throwing that rock at God, and then laughing about it, was like hitting the magic reset button. There had been nowhere to put my anger, so I held it. It’s essential not to stuff down our angry feelings, and let ourselves feel them - but don’t let them move in with a 12-month lease. Expressing my anger, and releasing it through the symbolic rock-chucking was cathartic, and created space for laughter and peaceful surrender to enter. And of course, then I realized how silly the whole thing was, and how I am absolutely OK in this present moment, and where I live doesn’t matter as much as I think. And I knew I wasn’t really mad at God at all.
If we can use the magic reset button to access peace and tap into that profound love which is always within us, which is free-flowing to us at all times, which is the very stuff we are made of…then home is wherever we are. No matter what we’re going through in life, we are always home - where we are safe, and loved, and known.
Check out my free Inner Healing resources for tools on working through anger and other dense emotions.
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